The Snakehole Lounge

Pawnee's sickest nightclub

Start your investment off with a Snakehole T-shirt.

Club Info

by Jean-Ralphio, Investor

HOURS

THE SNAKEHOLE LOUNGE is open from 7 p.m. to 12 a.m. Tuesday through Wednesday, 7 p.m. to 2 a.m. Thursday through Saturday. On special occasions, we can be open allllllll night (till 3).

On Sundays and Mondays, the club is rented out for children's birthday parties and substance abuse meetings.

ETIQUETTE/ATTIRE

Nightlife in Pawnee is all about class, and the hot, juicy atmosphere of The ‘Hole is no exception. Follow these tips for a good time.

Gents:

First of all, don’t even think of showing your face here unless you’re wearing a designer label, a generic label that looks designer, or a generic label that’s been mentioned in GQ, Details, or Us Weekly.

On the dance floor, there's just one rule: Grind, but don't freak! Y'all know what I'm talking about. This is a classy establishment, fellas. Bring your A game, but check your nasty at the door. Which brings me to Rule #1.5: Grind sexy, not nasty. And don't forget Rule #1.75: Grind with class. Don't know what I'm talking about? Listen to the music, and sync your grinding to the rhythm -- out of control freaking ain't a good look on you, son! And hey: here's a special J-R safety tip for your tip: keep your zipper up. Dance accidents do happen. Once you get home, zippers down, act the clown, no problem. But don't get crunk on freakahol at The 'Hole, kid!

Ladies:

Basic rule of thumb: more skin than fabric. But not too trashy! Six-inch heel max. Leave that thong in your pants, or at home. Limit yourself to one tasteful toe ring. For a guide, google "Tara Reid 1999". Remember to turn "Safe Search” off.

Once you’re in the club, it’s okay to loosen up a bit, girl -- as long as you keep it classy. If your upstairs business hops up out your top when you’re leaning over the bar, no need to readjust it -- just make sure you’ve powdered your cleave. (Extra class points if the powder has some glitter in it.) And don’t worry if your g-string peeks out when you’re bent over on the dance floor. If that g-string has rhinestones (like it should!), the only person who’ll be embarrassed is the unclassy chick next to you whose granny panties aren’t blinged out.